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By-effects of parental care
Some psychologists are assured that parental "pressure" makes indelible impression upon the child, essentially underestimating its chances of successful and self-sufficient private life in the future. At the fatherly and parent severity which even not is not beyond reasonable, is as it is found out, weight of by-effects.
Parents should learn to choose the children own way to lives and to follow on it, counting possible variants of succession of events. "The most important that mums can make and daddies for the children is on the example to show, what should be a matrimony, — authoritative American psychologist David Kod confirms. — the basic representation of the person about marriage develops proceeding from a picture which he sees houses since a birth".
Choice of optimum style of education — a serious problem in which occasion recently in professional circles there is fierce debate. One experts in every possible way support traditional severity, including it is unique a comprehensible variant of the reference with children and maintenance of parental authority. Others are inclined to see "modern illness" which essence consists that parents consider children as the property in authoritative style of education and consider itself have the right to arrive with them as will like. Separate display of this "illness" is the aspiration to force sons and daughters to realise everything of what in the childhood mums and daddies vainly dreamt.
David Kod is assured that the adults directing all stream of the energy on education of children, are not capable to get rid of authoritarianism and by that harm also to itself, and the posterity. "There is a representation according to which time and the forces enclosed in education of the child, are directly proportional to result, — the psychologist explains. — I consider it as one of the greatest myths of modern pedagogics. A trouble that the parents, directing all efforts to the children, wait from them too many. And what reality was, to all of them will be a little".
Meanwhile, the expert considers, now the image of a safe family is that — it means full concentration on children which demands victims. "Parents worry, feel emotionally devastated if the child, for example, has temporarily left from them, start excessively it to sponsor, — explains the Code. — we make a mistake, devoting myself entirely and without the rest to our children. Whether are necessary to children such a victim from our party? Hardly. To give the life, to offer relations with second half — unless it it is required? The child by the nature is egocentric, he and itself, without our help, believes that the world turns round it".
According to the psychologist, children are not capable to estimate parental care adequately. "We will kowtow, putting all forces in the child, neglecting private life and work, and it will become more and more exacting and unsatisfied", — considers the Code. The psychologist is assured that some problems of a modern society including chronic inability of many people to arrange the private life, leave the roots in authoritative education.
"Taking the child in echinoid mittens, we initially are guided by good intentions. Gradually to us all becomes more difficult to respect borders of its person, to be kept from radical influence on its character, and we cross line for which it is impossible to come, — the expert speaks. — clinical cases are as a result formed: the person who has been brought up in severity, is afraid to make independent decisions because in the childhood and a youth for it all solved the daddy with mum. It gravitates to an unattainable ideal because it accustomed to do all well and correctly. How with such approach to establish a family? Very difficult, and even in general in any way".
There is also a second variant at which the parental severity is perceived by the child as a natural and unique moral standard. Having pulled out from under guardianship, the person loses reference points and when already nobody abuses it and does not force anything to do, is dismissed — in certain cases gradually, more often instantly. It is very heavy to such people to promote, because in the chief they see first of all the strict daddy who forces them to work under pressure. And to live in marriage by it too it is hard, as matrimonial responsibility in process of its increase starts to be perceived as a yoke of which it would be quite good to get rid.
The unpleasant tendency last years is marked also by pediatrists. Many parents, as they said, result on reception of absolutely healthy children, assuring that they are sick, and even naming the diagnosis. Thus physicians frequently prefer not to contact mad mummies — and write out the recipe not to spend nerves for explanations and refutations. As a result of the child "heal" since the childhood, undermine its immune system and create a complex — and all to make its even more dependent. "The superfluous parental care is a huge psychological pressure. Adults realise the emotional requirements at the expense of children, without thinking of it can result in what consequences", — considers the Code.
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